I Never Knew You (Cage)

I've come to the conclusion that romanticism and happiness are on decline because people are too afraid of one thing or another and would rather spend their lives wondering what if. I'm sorry but I'm not falling into the same pit of despair. Ignorance may be bliss, but it's not happiness.

I can't live a multiple choice life. I just can't. I can deal with servitude but not slavery. Every day it's "these are your options. pick one and then your next option branches off. No pass Go. No collect $200" most of all No Get out of Jail free cards. The world is restricting and restraining me and I finally understand that's what's driving me crazy. This predisposition that the world is as everyone else says and there's no real free will is enough to make me scream. I know this sounds incredibly wrong and insensitive but I now understand why Virginia Tech and Columbine happened. It's not about the assailants' taste in music or their lives at home. It's about the damn establishment of College. It's prison and yet no one can object because at least between cell time you get to party and drink and see your friends just to numb and dull the idea that you're incarcerated.

Aside from that, this preconceived notion of beauty, love, and happiness is the most disgusting. There is absolutely no one on this earth who can judge my choices and what makes me happy besides me. Who says that women of a certain weight or skin color can't be beautiful? I'm the biggest advocate for freedom of choice and expression. I think I have the broadest taste in women amongst all my friends. Despite the idea I'm only fond of white women, I've seen quite a few women of other races that has certainly made me look twice. There shouldn't be just one categorization for everything. Beauty should be a venn diagram that overlaps and contorts to incorporate any and every woman regardless of her height, weight, shape, skin tone, even degree of intelligence. I'm sorry but I may be under your employ because it's my purpose in life, but no one can tell me what to think or do. Most of all no one can define happiness for me.

I shouldn't be restricted by my social class, skin tone, 'educational completion' or any thing else when it comes to opportunities for happiness. I understand there are prerequisites for occupations, but there really shouldn't be when it comes to relationships and love. Some people love the weirdest, most physically unappealing people in my opinion and that's their choice. You shouldn't reject me because you have some peculiar thought that men from a certain age group, neighborhood, race or economic position have to be a certain way. And no one can tell me love doesn't transcend the very fabric of time and space, because if anything Love should be universal, not time. I can love you forever but as long as I've said I loved you it was genuine and nothing will change that. I love most of my friends and that means I'm theirs forever. Get a grip damnit. People make me sick.
Love, Friendship, Compassion, Humility, and Happiness should be determined by each encounter, not by anything else.

Ignorance may be bliss, but it's not Happiness. Reality has conditions. Real Humanity shouldn't.

Obscure Rendition of Humanity

In the early hours of the morning I felt it necessary to get a bit of a midnight snack and because my neighborhood as well as the surrounding four are built on what was apparently a marsh certain routes were flooded. I was forced to take a street I hardly do and I passed a guy who's car had fallen into a pretty deep manhole. I kept driving. After I got what I needed and came back down the same road, he was still there. I passed him yet again but for some peculiar reason I found myself turn around, park my car and approach him to see if he needed help. I forgot my cell phone and knew there was nothing I could really do to help with what I kept in my trunk. So why did I turn around? What possessed me to even approach this guy and make sure he was alright? Under normal circumstances I wouldn't have cared or given it a single thought.

I keep saying I knew know who I am. Truth is. I'm not entirely sure I do. I once thought I knew myself pretty damn well. As best any man in my position could at least. I didn't care for anyone because I felt the world was a rotten place where no one even gave their fellow man any consideration. I remember when I wanted to be a good person because I felt it's what the world needed, but instead I chose to adopt and adapt to the world around me. Why be good if it will get you nothing in this short life of restricted freedom? Anyone who gets anywhere takes opportunities, risks, and most of all advantage of his fellow man. Granted more often than not you hear these successful people to be so miserable that they perform charitable deeds to cope. I'm not successful yet, so why the hell did I stop? Why did I turn around willing to offer a helping hand to my fellow automotive patron?

Was it of the goodness of my own heart? What heart? Last I checked it's strings were stretched thin if not already severed and corroding. I'm embracing the closest thing to genuine freedom I've ever had and I have no idea what I'm doing with it or why. Charity isn't programmed into my preplanned existence. The idea certainly hadn't crossed my mind to help this person either. So what happened? Since when do I care? I know this is getting redundant but I just have to know. Things already fail to make sense in my world with surreal images and abstract thoughts where my trained logic is barely holding this plane of space-time together. In a universe as vast as this one, what's the point in 'humanity' at all? I know it's a question not meant to be answered but when you sacrifice that for a chance to be free, random acts of it tend to rattle an already open cage.

I can feel my writings becoming more erratic. It's like senseless ramblings even to me. There are questions not even I can answer.

To A Friend [Facebook Import]

This evening I had a little talk with a friend. We discussed a great deal of things ranging in importance. I came to the realization that people like me exist for people like her. She's kind, loving, very understanding and genuinely innocent. Now what I'm going to say may easily be misunderstood, but I really don't care. She has wonderful friends and family, including myself, but my existence is determined by people like her. Meaning that abominations of the mind (and flesh) like me, exist not to contradict those people borne of love, but to protect them. Men like me rooted in hatred and vengeance are this way because of those we care for. We harbor ill will towards our fellow man for treading on the hearts or dreams of our loved ones. Sure hatred may spawn from disagreements, but it is amplified in magnitude once someone we care deeply for is harmed more than ourselves. At any given moment I can tell you all to think of someone you hate. For most, your initial thought will be of someone who hurt you directly. Think of someone who has harmed a close friend or family member. Tell me who you hate more. Nine times out of ten, it's the person who hurt someone you care for. Wars have been raged in our own honor, and that of our kin. The story of Helen of Troy? Do you remember how much blood was spilled to save a woman who was thought an unwilling captive? Look how throughout history the act of revenge differed in severity.

I don't know about you, but if someone were to harm my family, or someone I have a deep bond with, I wouldn't just kill them. I would make sure they suffered immensely. The depth of my hatred would far surpass anything known to mortal men. My fury and vengeance would carry a message throughout the passage of time that would give birth to a fear so great, it would ingrain itself in my own lineage and all they encounter for they would fear my retaliation from beyond the grave. Do you understand now? The most fearsome men on the earth exist for the protection of those they love. I feel this is short, sweet, and to the point. For those peaceful, soft, loving people, there are men like me who are around to defend them in one way or another.

You're free to disagree, but I strongly believe this is why the spectrum exits for everything. Right, wrong. Good, evil. Love and hate. Things are right because we feel they should be, and the inverse can be said for wrong. This applies to everything. In this case, hatred exists to protect and help us to appreciate love. Otherwise the good aspects of life, in this situation love, wouldn't be as sweet and enjoyable. You can't love without hate. Somewhere a long the line you must experience one to experience and appreciate the other. I address this before in regards to pleasure and pain (or something like that. I have a bad memory), but this is meant to give some of us a better understanding of what hatred and general negativity is and it's role in our lives. Genuine (and sometimes unbridled) hatred is difficult for anyone or group to attain. It is possible, but hardly do we ever harbor a genuine hatred for anyone or anything. Genuine hatred is only attainable when you achieve a nearly unparalleled, damn near unconditional love. Because many of us have conditions to which we may love someone, it's pretty tough to get that far. But know there's no destructive force greater than an untamed genuine hatred. In the same breath you can also say there's no constructive force greater than that of immense love and even forgiveness. The power of love and forgiveness can truly change the world for the better. Of course love and forgiveness are harder for us as humans to do. Therefore it's much easier to destroy any and all opposition with our hatred. Personally, I find it hard to take either to heart, let alone allow them to surface. We all have the potential to make a difference, but this isn't some petty moral choice. It's a long standing commitment. Some have a greater vessel for these emotions and are much more capable than others. What you do with the power is up to you. Thankfully I have made great friends who help pull me from the side of hatred time and time again.



I really don't want to make this reference, but it's sad to see an underlying moral tale in a video game. God of War one and three of all games at that! The tale behind Pandora's Box in the game is as follows: Zeus gathered all the evils of the world and had them sealed in a special box created by Hephaestus. Before the box was sealed, Athena also trapped a power within the box. In the box was what they called "the power to kill a god". Kratos sought to open the box to destroy Ares (because he lead him into battle and caused him to slay his wife and child; trivial at the moment). Kratos successfully opened the box and managed to kill Ares. Unbeknownst to Kratos, what was truly sealed in the box was Fear. Allegedly fear was the root of all evils in the world. Zeus fell prey to fear and deemed Kratos a threat and sought to kill him. Kratos fell to Zeus's hand. After a long journey, even altering his very own Fate in the process, Kratos once more found himself in search once more for Pandora's Box. The key to the box was Pandora herself. After finding and befriending her, he returned to the box. Should she open the box, she'd forfeit her very life. She constantly spoke of the fears that ravaged her and her father, but also spoke of hope. She chose to open the box and Kratos saw it was empty. He was unaware that when he opened the box the first time, he was infused with the power to kill a god. Hope. What reawakened this power in him was Pandora's words. To paraphrase. "Hope is what we fight with when we have nothing left." In the end, Kratos bested Zeus in battle and killed himself to release the power of Hope upon the world.

For the hopeful, we men of fear exist. We are afraid your hope will go lost, so we share that hope and tread forward. Hope and love are hand in hand just as hatred and fear. Allow yourselves to be reinforced by hope and do not fall prey to fear. In the end, we need you to love us who hate, so we in turn may protect you from the hatred of others. The hardest things to do in life are the most rewarding. Being hopeful, compassionate and loving are so very difficult, but knowing and forcing yourself to hate in order for the world to be better for those you love is even harder.

"Sometimes I've gotta be the bad guy because if it were someone else, the outcome would be worse."
-King Vee II aka Yours Truly

Cut Down All The Trees and Name the Streets After Them [Facebook Import]

Today I witnessed what could be likened to a snow storm, but instead of snow it was maple tree seeds. Though many thought nothing of it, and I heard a similar event happened elsewhere, one touched my bare skin and I immediately became distressed. It was as if in that brief moment, I could see so much that I both have, and have not seen before. My life span in comparison to even the youngest of trees in my neighborhood is negligible. If I'm lucky I will barely be a ring in the wood, let alone a wrinkle or crevice in the bark of their lives. These trees have and will outlive many generations, including that of my descendants. In the spherical, constantly changing stream of time and humanity they are firmly rooted. Though daily forests and woodlands are being destroyed, trees are amongst the oldest living life forms on the earth. (That sounded redundant..yuck.)

With that came the realization that not one of my accomplishments will be significant. In actuality, very few accomplishments will bare any significance. Achieving presidency of any nation, no matter it's size will be negligible over time. Barack may have been the first black president in the eyes of the world and may even be attempting (successfully thus far) to universalize health care, but his legacy will fade through time as have all others. Hitler's reign of blood was the talk of the world for approximately fifty years after it's end, and in the last twenty his name is associated not with his greatness or the magnitude of his evil deeds, but with a childish insult. Once those who lived through that terrible event fade from this earth, the true depth behind it will fade away as well and it will become no more than non-applicable knowledge to the masses. Nothing but 'facts' with no real meaning behind them. No sense of pain, or struggle or accomplishment.

For humanity, time has moved in stages bringing about 'revolutions' at their pinnacles. The Stone Age/Revolution in which cromagnum man began to utilize flint weaponry for hunting. Humanity gained knowledge and experience from the earth. The Nomadic Revolution where they began to spread about the world when climate changes and food shortages took place. Fastforward a few thousand years. The Governmental Revolution. Civilizations began to flourish under various forms of government throughout the world. The Spiritual Revolution. Granted religion is as old as recorded time, but only did it become so predominant and wide spread after groups of people became better governed (or so I believe). Then came one of the greatest revolutions, that of the mind. The Enlightenment. People began to more openly question the teachings, beliefs, and methods of both Church and State, along with everything in between. It was marvelous. It was followed by the Industrial Revolution and the Technological revolutions both of which we see evident in daily life. There may be a slight discrepancy with order, but the point is still the same. Humanity evolves constantly, trudging forward through time to adapt like the trees.

It is believed that there is to be a new age amongst humanity in which our intellect is what will determine our survival. Solely our intellect. At first I was overjoyed when the idea caught my ear, but technology advances and many of the older people have difficulty adapting. Even some young people are having a fair deal of trouble. Not only that, but people are becoming lazier and all around dumber for lack of a better term. Human behavior is taking a destructive path along technological progress. It's almost as if the relationship is inverse rather than direct. People become stupider and more ignorant in this contemporary age, technology advances. It seems somewhat slower, but it advances none the less. How can an era of the mind truly be made out of this and upcoming generations if they hardly use those marvelous organs called brains for anything but discerning between what amount of alcohol is toxic to ingest, the latest celebrity news and the most fun way to come close to death without crossing over.

Humanity has become more connected than ever due to technological advancements, and yet at the same time they've never been more cut off. Socializing is through various impersonal means, while face to face discussions and actual, emotional, meaningful self expression and human interaction is dwindling rapidly. People are becoming more and more selfish as the days pass, and no one notices or they're merely turning a blind eye. After all the new mentality is "It's none of my business." or I'm not my brother's keeper. The only physical actions between two humans is predominantly for procreation simply because it brings physical pleasure. Once technology branches into that field, I fear for what will become of the populace of the earth. That's what it may take to spark a Naturalist revolution, but that's quite shameful that it needs such an extreme event to lay the foundation. There are a few people who share my views or variants of the idea, but we're not enough to change anything. It's as if we're Evergreen trees spread about the Sahara Desert.

I've been a welcome part of humanity for many many years, and I've grown accustomed to the life styles and daily rituals. As a means to repay my hospitable race, I wish to do something to aid them in the progression of our species but I have no idea how. I don't know what to do or what I am truly capable of. I don't want my descendants to be mental vagrants and emotional vagabonds (I like the sound of that. I'm a genius). Humanity should be at home with it's planet and amongst it's people, not sectioned off and deemed self important like an island. The great land mass Pangea may have broken apart, but that does not mean humans should not remain genuinely connected by the nature that binds us. Humanity has grown into a vast forest, but is quickly cutting enormous dividers and regressing at the same time. Sounds like the plans of extinction to me.


Predominantly unrelated, but thanks to past experiences, objectivism, the insight of my mentor and a current struggle in flux, I've realized and decided that every one in my life is special and I sincerely do my best to be a good friend. Any woman or women (un)fortunate enough to be in a relationship with me at some point or another, I've decided I will do my absolute best to communicate with. Any children with the capacity for knowledge, I will teach and any act of benevolence I can perform in lue of fear I will perform. I may not be able to do much to save the world, but maybe with help I can do enough to spark the idea at the very least.

Here (In Your Arms) - HelloGoodbye [Imported from Facebook]

"I like where we are when we drive in your car. I like where we are, here...Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me. Whispers 'Hello, I miss you quite terribly.' I fell in love, in love with you suddenly. Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms."

My original idea was to write about my feelings, but then I developed an even better one. I thought a message to my 'extended family' about the beauty of their love (for each other) would be better suited and hopefully well received. It's common knowledge that love is a miraculous feeling. All too often you'll hear my excuse for my behavior being 'Life's too short', which it is for some, but rarely is it taken in the inverse. Life is in fact too short. Most will say it's too short to be tied down, or not to experience the world and all that lark. Ever think it should be the other way around for some people? Life is too short to not sit down and enjoy the comfort or to love and be loved in the deepest possible manner. Some people go their entire lives without knowing a relationship or the love of another human being. That's certainly no way to live, for everyone should know love at least once. Now take that concept and apply it to your situation. Or someone you know you can relate too. Isn't life too short to make an immense mistake and lose the person you love and try to seek it else where? Shouldn't you do your very best to be with them no matter what the circumstance? Disagreements, arrangements, fighting, harsh words, and heartache are all components of love; a genuine, long standing love.

I've seen it happen. Guys are in love with girls and vice-versa and they have a splendid relationship, but one listens to a friend or someone who claims they know better and sever the ties to 'experience the world' or they feel that age isn't 'the right time'. Time isn't on anyone's side, so that person is either bitter for whatever reason and imposing their well disguised heartache upon you, or they haven't experienced real love. Don't get me wrong, they could have known intimacy and romance, but that differs from love. I'm not big on romanticism, but bare with me. How many of you can really get on without the sensation or knowledge that SOMEONE somewhere loves you? Now imagine that feeling magnified and bound to another human being from everyone you know. Your parents, potentially estranged relatives, best friend, pets, friends and everyone else who has some input on your life and can make you feel good about yourself and give you a greater sense of self worth. Can you imagine one person loving you in all the ways they do combined? If you find someone like that, don't be dumb enough to let them go. It's often said love is a battle ground. It's more of a war zone in which no one takes prisoners. You only lose if you give up. And if you lose, you pick yourself up and take your battered heart elsewhere in an attempt to love again. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but wouldn't you want to stay with the person you say you love as long as possible? Then my answer for you is to keep fighting to have the person you love. No unwritten law or rule says you can't keep trying even after you felt you've lost. You've only lost when neither of you will keep trying, considering relationships are two way streets.

I say it time and time again, but for my age I've experienced a great deal of things, more than your average person. I say so in part, because bragging is a major character flaw I've developed compliments of a dear friend of mine whom is on his own journey through the world. I wrote this with several couples in mind (myself sorta included), and I view many of them as my extended family. The last thing I want is for them to ever lose the person they love. I feel they only grasp half the concept, which is enough for some, but unless you understand it all you risk losing more than just a significant other. If one of you refuses to keep trying, you can either lose hope or exert that person's portion of the fight. That extra effort can mean a world of difference and salvage what you think may be a sinking ship. No external source should ever truly deter you from the one you love. A relationship should be between two people and not the whole world. Your friends and family aren't dating the same person you are, so while their input is always going to be there, it shouldn't decide whether you quit or not. That's something to be determined by you and the person you love. It may not always work out the way you want, but if you love each other enough, you can probably at least still remain friends at the very least.

Now get to work people. I can see how some of you feel about your significant others, don't let anything tear you two apart. Life's too short to lose the person you love. And no, there is no age restriction of love..though there's a prerequisite: a heart, common sense, some people skills, a deep rooted sense of who you are, and love for yourself. Missing any of those and you certainly aren't ready yet.

"Our lips can touch and our cheeks can brush, here" ♥

Mr. Highway's Thinking About the End [Imported from Facebook]

"I've created a monster. I've got a side of me no one should see. So quit stalling, pack your bags, keep walking away. Your life leads to destruction. We're not the same. I have given everything...It's like speaking in tongues to all of you now. When will we ever get what we deserve?"

I couldn't find a more suitable song at the moment. iTunes shuffle has just worked it's magic tonight/this morning. I'd like to say I'm not in my right state of mind as I write this because I'm pretty deprived of sleep and food, but the truth is this is the only state in which I see with the utmost clarity. Therefore, I feel it is my duty to as accurately as possible, convey the disdain I hold for you. Not you as individuals, but you as a society...and maybe a few individuals. Don't get me wrong, many of you are marvelous people in your own respects, but at the same time you are members of a society that glorifies all the disgusting attributes of humanity. Liars, cheats, gluttons, and vagrants to name a few. To be honest, this wasn't about society as a whole, it was about a wide group of individuals I've directly come into contact with over many years. Ignorance is the common theme here. Ignorance of the true meaning of words and ignorance of the application they were designed. (Geez, here I go again on the subject of love. At least this time it isn't meant to be predominantly romantic.)

I've been on the receiving end of the phrase "I love you" many times in my life. Of course we all understand it varies in definition due to the parties involved, but the concept should be pretty uniform right? Pfft. To love someone, you must first know them. How many of you have said you've loved me and gotten to know me? The real me. (This excludes a select few who have, or are in the process of doing so.) Do you know my favorite color? What I like to do in my spare time? What I'm researching? Who my closest friends are? Any of my relatives? What about my taste in music or food or literature? Do you know how to really pick me up when I'm down and not just offer a quick patch job for what ails me? Have you ever even attempted to read and comprehend anything I've written? I'm sure it'd give you the basis for most of those questions. If not, then what do you really know about me? Probably nothing significant at all. Most of all do you have any idea what rattles me to the core or even what I find mildly infuriating?

Now ask yourself who are you to speak on my behalf. Who are you to utter your ignorant, judgmental babble about those I interact with. And then claim on some level to love or 'care for' me? Please. Spare me. The brain power it takes to register, then pick apart your very role in my life could be spent elsewhere. Are you even aware that any and everything that I say is to be held with the utmost confidence and unless you say otherwise, because of your own interactions I do not deem your information confidential? After all it's only a matter of time before you spread whatever information you've given me elsewhere. Thereby meaning if I say something before you do, I'm not entirely at fault because I've analyzed your character. While when I choose to divulge information, nine times out of ten, it is to one person and remains that way. My business between me and that individual. The least you can do is 'love' me enough to keep your mouth shut on anything I say unless told otherwise.

Allegedly caring about me does not, and will not, and will never grant you the right to open your mouth about anyone I interact with. Normally I won't say anything, I'll nod and let you say what you must, but deep down I'm developing a degree of contempt for you. I don't recall giving you the right to voice your opinion on matters concerning me and other people. If you're looking out for my best interest (which is unlikely) then maybe you can indicate how you feel. If you wish to voice an opinion based on an observation, then keep quiet because I highly doubt you grasp enough of the situation to speak on it whether you agree or not. In short, and to come off as 'rude' "It's none of your business", whether it's posted online or not. Though the internet is public domain, your input isn't necessary.

For those who I feel do care about me, and I've accepted, I may not agree with what you have to say "but I defend to the death your right to say it." Seems hypocritical does it not? Hypocrisy is the basis of humanity, and henceforth I'm working exponentially harder to feign humanity.

Dear Mama (Kanye West) [Imported from Facebook]

I won't even bother quoting the song in this case. Lets just jump right into it shall we?

I'd like to start off by saying I love my mother. A lot. I'm sure everyone who's had a single mother can and most likely will give similar stories. I'm sure they're all different and unique in their own ways, and I'm sure we'll all feel ours is more special because that's just how people are, but I'm sorry to tell you that my mom tops the list. I don't really speak to my mother or sit down and bond with her often enough, but when I catch myself I definitely try a little harder. Before anyone thinks it's simply because she brought me into this world, I must love her then you're wrong. I've seen countless cases of parents and offspring genuinely hating eachother. Thankfully that's not the case with me and my mom. First off, Ms. Joy Miller is Jamaican. We all have that one friend (or we are that one friend) with the West Indian family and you think that child is totally getting abused. That's not how it goes down. That's love in it's purest form. Because I don't know how many times I have seen that look in my mother's eyes when you can read the words in the air. "I'm going to beat you to within an inch of your life, then beat that inch to within another inch, then I'm going to beat you back to full health and restart the cycle". Yet no matter how much I've tried her patience, she never has, and if she did I would certainly understand. Why? I'm not condoning child abuse so relax. More often than not, a child gets an "ass'in" because they did something wrong and it's meant as disciplinary measures. Why discipline your child? Because you want them to be a good person and know right from wrong and become a productive member of society. Somehow my mother managed to do just that without ever raising a hand to me (despite all the threats).

I just really want to address how much I really do love my mother. We don't disagree all that much, but we all have those moments where it's like "Mom. C'mon son..C'MON!" You know. Gotta catch her with the Ed Luva out of frustration. Thanks to her own unique means of disciplinary measures, I think I turned out to be a pretty damn good person. My mother has been the foundation for any and every selfless act I perform at it's basest level. Sure I may think "I'm doing this for whoever", but the fact is I'm only that way because of my mom. I've seen her go to war and back just to please those around her, and I don't just mean direct family. Joy has taught me what it truly means to care about other people. I don't think my grandmother knew what she was doing when she named my mother that, because that was the ultimate coincidence. I know for a fact my mother has brought joy to so many people's lives, and never wanted anything in return. If she's gone out of her way for you, and you were a good person, she has no problem with it at all and more often than not that good deed carries over and in turn helps her. If you turned out to be a dreadful human being, my mother still won't revoke her good will, but she's less inclined to ever do for you again and takes it as a learning experience. She has instilled the values of friendship in me without ever even knowing.

She's taught me responsibility too, despite the fact I can seem so irresponsible (being gone days on end without a word or seemingly sleeping all day). No matter how tired or exhausted, or difficult it was she always found a way to take care of my family. I remember when she worked in Manhattan and then in Jersey and she still found a way to make sure I was safe on the commute to school with a ride in the morning and the evening. On those rare days she had free time and I was off from school, she'd drag me everywhere with her, and I learned the routes throughout most of New York than I knew to spell my government name. It drove me mad because I couldn't just stay home and waste away in front of the television. Now I'm glad for that considering I can get anywhere in a reasonable amount of time without breaking the speed limit. She also taught me critical thinking and how to be impatient on the road. Too many traffic lights? Ha! Let's take back roads with stop signs instead. Traffic? Take local streets.
The worst part about going anywhere with my mom is she always wanted to show me off to her friends. As of late, since I can drive myself and disappear, if she catches me home she'll say "Come with me, let me show people how handsome my son is." Oh boy. And that's really not even so bad, so imagine that's the WORST thing I can think of. On any drive she always made sure I was as comfortable as possible.
We bond whenever it comes to driving though. That's one thing I can't deny. We'll talk about routes we've taken places, or where they put up new traffic cameras, or the toll routes, or the mileage on our cars, or Top Gear, and that can easily consume hours. I'm pretty sure my mother is The Stig. She just won't tell me.

My mother isn't so old fashioned as she is "in the know". Because you can tell her anything and the old fashioned part of her brain will make the facial expression, but the rest will kick in with the times and conventional thoughts, keeping her very well rounded (she even knows Lil Wayne is retarded). When it comes down to it, I know I can have a sit down conversation with my mother about anything, and if it's ever that overwhelming and I do so she's the most understanding person in the world. Most of the time she can tell something's wrong even though it's nothing I can't handle and she'll ask anyway out of courtesy. I do my best to tell her everything though in my own time.

I've pretty much addressed every scenario I could face with my mom in just three unspecified situations. The point? I really, really love my mom and I want to make her exceptionally proud of me some day. She's not the kind to want overly expensive things, but I want to be able to give them to her anyway. I want her to be able to take a break when she wants and live comfortably without a care in the world. I've seen her work so hard for as long as I can remember and she's had to deal with so much, she really deserves a break. A lot of people reward their moms with "Spa Days" or weekend cruises. I want her to have spa months and year-round cruises. I want her to look at something and just because she thinks it's nice she can have it without a worry. I don't want her to have to worry about bills, or vehicle repairs, or what time she has to wake up or how late she has to work. I know a lot of people want this for their parents, but I'll be damned if one way or another my mom doesn't get it. Because Joy Miller, my mommy deserves the very freaking best and I love my mommy.


Author's Note: (I hear I get my writing ability from her amongst other traits)

Deuces (Chris Brown)

Not a huge Chris Brown fan, but I heard the remix and had to look up the original. I must say I can certainly use this as the foundation for a personal piece. No quote is even necessary and of course I'll exclude the use of names, but I think here this can be said with a reasonable amount of freedom. I'm quite ashamed to admit I've been taken for a ride and my romanticism has seemed to take a back burner to 'reality'. Let me start with the confession that I actually am, and have been in love with a certain girl for quite some time. For reasons I do not wish to disclose, we cannot currently pursue a relationship (rest assured she's interested in me as well). So I say fine. 'Fate' can win this hand, and nothing's going to change how I feel for her. Love isn't just a temporary thing you can get rid of, but you can overcome kinda bypass it.  Loving someone doesn't have to ruin anything with someone else. Common misconception.

Here's where the world would probably deem me sleazebag of the century. There's another girl I've had a crush on for quite some time and I've found out she felt the same way. Problem there? She has a boyfriend. Now that hasn't stopped us from getting closer over a certain span of time, but while she at least tries to refrain herself, I'm relentless and can be very persuasive. No we didn't 'sleep together', and I'm doing my best to refrain from doing so. It's mix feelings about this particular situation because I never really have to see her again so these games with mostly my heart can stop. I've always wanted to say to her "Don't break my heart and I won't break your heart-shaped glasses" (stolen from Marilyn Manson). She doesn't have to know that that's what I'm aiming for in this particular relationship since I'm not even really an option in her book. Shame I like her so much.

Now if that last section bought me any sympathy, this paragraph should throw that out the window. There's a plethora of women I deem "potentials". No I don't think it's shameful or wrong to depict women with 'potential' for actual potential for relationships with. This is a pretty broad category and it's not all about their physical attractiveness (though I must say they all have a certain beauty about them in my eyes). Their varying beauty gives way to something deeper; their individuality. Whether it's their philosophy on life, interests, history, or goals and aspirations, something attracts me to these women just a little more than my regular female friends. Hence the mental note of them being 'potentials'. Something about each of them appeals to me so much I actually consider giving myself to them or having them as my own. I see the potential for a companionship we could mutually enjoy since not every girl is into the 'boyfriend' title, but can still appreciate the role of one. Why don't I pursue one of them? I don't quite know myself. Maybe because I know I can't give them 'all of me' as they probably deserve and I'm all about fairness. There are a variety of reasons why I'm unable to do so, the biggest one being that I don't know myself well enough yet to just give it away. That's not giving anyone a fighting chance but me.

I guess of these countless three standings in my life I'm just hoping for someone I could belong to even for a short time. You know what I mean? Someone I could make happy. Someone who when they come home, will have a smile on their face because of me. Someone who will have that puppy to bring them joy that they can curl up with and watch movies after a long day. I'd just like to make someone happy and for someone to make me happy. I'm tired of simply being 'of use' to people. I want a genuine purpose, even if it's longevity is comparable to a gold fish's memory.

Introduction

Consider this my introductory course on my very existence. I am Nimz and that name bares an enormous weight. By accepting my name I am given both title and ranking of King. King of what you ask? The vast empire you see that may even include you. I am not a king in the misguided sense of the term. You know, the one where people bow to him and wait on him hand and foot. Where he sits up on his throne on his ass all day and asks what the world can do for him today. Yeah that guy for one thing, isn't a king and most certainly isn't me. A king is mean to be the ultimate servant by making his life and the lives of those around him comfortable, tolerable and safe. And that's what I do, or at least try my very best to. There's probably the most brief post I'll ever give, especially here.

I will be importing old Facebook "notes" here as well, so certain things if you check their references they'll have been on facebook before here.