Apocalypse Now? More Like Apocalypse Nimz

The literal translation of "Apocalypse" is not the end of the world, but 'lifting the veil'.So now let me briefly lift the veil of mystery that surrounds myself. Why am I doing this at such a late hour? I don't know maybe the guilt is getting to me. Maybe a clear and concise list would help me prove a point, which I really hate doing. As of late, a lot of my writings have been about myself which is most certainly very bothersome. But that's heading in the direction of a tangent. My point here is to convey exactly who I am, after all the nice guy person is nice and all but only in the group of friends that needn't know anything about me. After all in the right circle, people believing you to be nice or a good person is quite beneficial. In truth, I'm hardly nice. The facade is damn near second nature to me because it's how I've been trained. I betrayed my own mentor, the only person to care for me as a prodigy. Problem there? I don't regret it..much.
I don't believe in love, trust, or fidelity until otherwise earned, therefore I have a tendency, even when in love, to prepare escape routes and entertaining prospects just in case things should fail. Some see that as cheating, I see it as insurance. Especially considering that cheating in my opinion is solely the act of physical exertion of sexuality. Flirting and all that other crap isn't. Unless of course 'i love yous' are said. Then maybe so. I've indulged in a wide variety of 'companions', from ex-interests, to ex-girlfriends, to ex-girlfriend's former best friends with no real remorse. My intention isn't or at least wasn't an act of revenge or anything similar. But the idea to use such action and information as a means by which to procure it has not ever left my mind. For who knows when I may need it.
My motives for every action revolve around not only preservation of self, but betterment of my situation regardless of their appearance. I have no morals or qualms when it comes to the destruction or harm of others if it serves to reward me or in the pursuit of my vengeance or even my fury. Don't believe me, ask about those who've felt my wrath. Events I wouldn't dare write to the eye of the general public
All I'm trying to say is, I'm only a good person to those who haven't wronged me. To those I'm neutral to, or have no particular affinity, or even hate...look over your shoulder because I'm biding my time.

The Truth about Justice

You want to know the truth about 'justice'? It doesn't exist. Karma doesn't give those who have wronged you 'exactly what they deserve'. Karma is an emotional crutch people use to get by each day in hopes that their enemies will suffer for bringing them harm. For the longest time I believed that karma and justice were practically one and the same. Those who did wrong suffered while those who did good were rewarded. Simple enough concept until I took note of something. I've done horrible, horrible things in my life as have many others and we have been nothing but rewarded. The good people of the world seem to do nothing but suffer. I've waited day in and day out for karma to lash out and punish me for all my wrong-doings and nothing has happened that I couldn't deal with. Unless of course karma punishes those you care about. In which case I got the ultimate dose on Monday. How you ask? I nearly lost someone very important to me. The individual I feel is responsible for nursing me back to health and always having my back despite any and every endeavor. This person has done nothing but the right thing every chance he's gotten and never turned trouble to anyone.
How does the universe repay his innocence? With a hospital visit in critical condition and I'm the first person he asks for? I feel so guilty that I wasn't there. I understand now why people feel this way when tragedies strike. It wasn't fair. He's done nothing to warrant that and is probably the most innocent person I know. Meanwhile people like me can get away with almost anything and not suffer the consequences? Don't tell me there's anything like justice or karma. I don't believe it applies to every situation. Who knows where I'd have been without that dear friend taking care of me for so long. Who knows where I'll be if anything should ever happen to him again? If he's ever hurt again I may just become an even worse person.