Obscure Rendition of Humanity

In the early hours of the morning I felt it necessary to get a bit of a midnight snack and because my neighborhood as well as the surrounding four are built on what was apparently a marsh certain routes were flooded. I was forced to take a street I hardly do and I passed a guy who's car had fallen into a pretty deep manhole. I kept driving. After I got what I needed and came back down the same road, he was still there. I passed him yet again but for some peculiar reason I found myself turn around, park my car and approach him to see if he needed help. I forgot my cell phone and knew there was nothing I could really do to help with what I kept in my trunk. So why did I turn around? What possessed me to even approach this guy and make sure he was alright? Under normal circumstances I wouldn't have cared or given it a single thought.

I keep saying I knew know who I am. Truth is. I'm not entirely sure I do. I once thought I knew myself pretty damn well. As best any man in my position could at least. I didn't care for anyone because I felt the world was a rotten place where no one even gave their fellow man any consideration. I remember when I wanted to be a good person because I felt it's what the world needed, but instead I chose to adopt and adapt to the world around me. Why be good if it will get you nothing in this short life of restricted freedom? Anyone who gets anywhere takes opportunities, risks, and most of all advantage of his fellow man. Granted more often than not you hear these successful people to be so miserable that they perform charitable deeds to cope. I'm not successful yet, so why the hell did I stop? Why did I turn around willing to offer a helping hand to my fellow automotive patron?

Was it of the goodness of my own heart? What heart? Last I checked it's strings were stretched thin if not already severed and corroding. I'm embracing the closest thing to genuine freedom I've ever had and I have no idea what I'm doing with it or why. Charity isn't programmed into my preplanned existence. The idea certainly hadn't crossed my mind to help this person either. So what happened? Since when do I care? I know this is getting redundant but I just have to know. Things already fail to make sense in my world with surreal images and abstract thoughts where my trained logic is barely holding this plane of space-time together. In a universe as vast as this one, what's the point in 'humanity' at all? I know it's a question not meant to be answered but when you sacrifice that for a chance to be free, random acts of it tend to rattle an already open cage.

I can feel my writings becoming more erratic. It's like senseless ramblings even to me. There are questions not even I can answer.