Deuces (Chris Brown)

Not a huge Chris Brown fan, but I heard the remix and had to look up the original. I must say I can certainly use this as the foundation for a personal piece. No quote is even necessary and of course I'll exclude the use of names, but I think here this can be said with a reasonable amount of freedom. I'm quite ashamed to admit I've been taken for a ride and my romanticism has seemed to take a back burner to 'reality'. Let me start with the confession that I actually am, and have been in love with a certain girl for quite some time. For reasons I do not wish to disclose, we cannot currently pursue a relationship (rest assured she's interested in me as well). So I say fine. 'Fate' can win this hand, and nothing's going to change how I feel for her. Love isn't just a temporary thing you can get rid of, but you can overcome kinda bypass it.  Loving someone doesn't have to ruin anything with someone else. Common misconception.

Here's where the world would probably deem me sleazebag of the century. There's another girl I've had a crush on for quite some time and I've found out she felt the same way. Problem there? She has a boyfriend. Now that hasn't stopped us from getting closer over a certain span of time, but while she at least tries to refrain herself, I'm relentless and can be very persuasive. No we didn't 'sleep together', and I'm doing my best to refrain from doing so. It's mix feelings about this particular situation because I never really have to see her again so these games with mostly my heart can stop. I've always wanted to say to her "Don't break my heart and I won't break your heart-shaped glasses" (stolen from Marilyn Manson). She doesn't have to know that that's what I'm aiming for in this particular relationship since I'm not even really an option in her book. Shame I like her so much.

Now if that last section bought me any sympathy, this paragraph should throw that out the window. There's a plethora of women I deem "potentials". No I don't think it's shameful or wrong to depict women with 'potential' for actual potential for relationships with. This is a pretty broad category and it's not all about their physical attractiveness (though I must say they all have a certain beauty about them in my eyes). Their varying beauty gives way to something deeper; their individuality. Whether it's their philosophy on life, interests, history, or goals and aspirations, something attracts me to these women just a little more than my regular female friends. Hence the mental note of them being 'potentials'. Something about each of them appeals to me so much I actually consider giving myself to them or having them as my own. I see the potential for a companionship we could mutually enjoy since not every girl is into the 'boyfriend' title, but can still appreciate the role of one. Why don't I pursue one of them? I don't quite know myself. Maybe because I know I can't give them 'all of me' as they probably deserve and I'm all about fairness. There are a variety of reasons why I'm unable to do so, the biggest one being that I don't know myself well enough yet to just give it away. That's not giving anyone a fighting chance but me.

I guess of these countless three standings in my life I'm just hoping for someone I could belong to even for a short time. You know what I mean? Someone I could make happy. Someone who when they come home, will have a smile on their face because of me. Someone who will have that puppy to bring them joy that they can curl up with and watch movies after a long day. I'd just like to make someone happy and for someone to make me happy. I'm tired of simply being 'of use' to people. I want a genuine purpose, even if it's longevity is comparable to a gold fish's memory.