Let me start by saying I'm not a Lady Gaga fan, but the 30 Seconds to Mars cover of this song is spectacular. When I listen to it, I can't help but think of the completely illogical and downright unfair predicament I'm in. I'm so very fond of a couple of girls, and for reasons that only the parties involved should be concerned with, we can't be together. Let's say it's pretty complicated. Distance in one case and in the other, what seems to be a variety of things. Girl 1 is probably one of the few people around that rivals my intellect. Not like I'm any genius or anything, but I like to think we're ahead of the curve. Coupled with compassion, rationality and flawless beauty to boot, she's spectacular. She's insightful and understanding beyond description. Plus her accent..wow. Just wow, she changed what I viewed as an 'ideal' woman. Yet Girl 1 is too far away to be with.
Girl 2 and I are oh so very close. From what I've heard we've been 'crushing' on each other for ages. Girl 2 has her own unique brand of beauty and just being in her presence is both enticing and exciting. Something about her draws out all the carnal desires a monster like me houses. There's something about her that my inner abomination can't help but deem delectable. The relationship we have is a complicated one, even for me. I constantly find myself thinking or wanting one thing, then doing another. It's as if she somehow has a hold on me that I either can't escape, or might not want to. Maybe it's in the way she hugs me, or the way we interact when we happen to be around one another. Maybe I'm placing too much into this. She and I could really have a bad romance, and I'd be content now that I've accepted the idea. Either way, something forbids me from having her.
Is it infidelity or immoral for me to still pursue Girl 2 because of the situation Girl 1 and I are in? I'm so very fond of them both. No matter the longevity, I'd be more than satisfied with a relationship with either. If that means I'm to leave to be with Girl 1, and we only remain romantically involved for a month, it was a month very well spent, especially should she and I remain friends. If I have to convince Girl 2 that nothing should be in the way of our romance, even if it's for the same duration, I'd be content with that as well. Before you assume I'm weighing my options, its more complex than that. I am caught in my own tier of a bad romance. Two wonderful women, neither of which I could have, yet the potential for either is there. I view relationships as a situation in which to learn about yourself and even make or keep some very amazing people in your life, even as just friends. A successful relationship doesn't have to result in marriage, or the permanent title of significant other. I also realize many people have a problem with a former romance becoming involved with a friend. I don't think that should hinder any opportunity for anyone else out there unless it truly is that painful of a situation. Otherwise nothing should retard a potential opportunity to grow as a person or learn about yourself and other people.
My point? I'm pretty assed-out in this situation none the less. An idealistic-love and a chronological-proximity-love. Damn. Who else gets into this predicaments and is willing to be branded a horrible person our of sheer confusion? And don't get me started on potential flings...although that's something I've strayed away from I have my days when my former-self emerges and I find it difficult not to dabble in the company of others. Understand that beneath my visage I am but a man. A well rounded, insane, creature of a man, but still a man.
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